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Thursday, August 2, 2012

The way you keep the world at bay for me*

Sitting in my silent house. No TV. No music. No podcasts. No Olympics.  Just me. The rain outside. The hum of the appliances. The dog wrestling with an empty milk jug. (Don't ask, I don't even know. The jug is bigger than him. For real.)

Yesterday: coffee on the deck with the sunshine and the flowers and the butterflies. A kitchen scrubbed clean while singing show tunes. A plan, cooked up with a favourite friend, for a shared blog post about How and Why You Should Send Your Child To Sleepaway Camp Even Though It's Really Hard and You Will Miss Her/Him. Coffee-and-a-walk date with a guy who... I could actually really like. Maybe. Groceries and the snug feeling of having a full fridge and stocked pantry. A surprise and precious gift of loving comments from others on this NaBloPoMo journey.

This morning: a workout - a sissified version of the ballet barre I used to do every single day of my adolescence, but I am working up to more. A new smoothie recipe (spinach, blueberries, green tea, greek yogurt, honey, coconut oil. Surprisingly delish.) Time with my favourite blogs. Coffee with my best school friend, who has always taught 1st-grade-next-door, and is moving to 3rd-grade-upstairs and perhaps only teachers know how very far away 2 grade levels and a flight of stairs can really feel. A short walk in the rain.
Photo by quinn.anya
 Up next: A few more pages of my book. Another coffee, with a friend I met in kindergarten, lost track of after junior high, re-discovered thanks to the social media I am currently avoiding. An errand or two. Some laundry.

A realisation: this is not a social media fast, nor a tech fast. This is a noise fast. A break from noise in all in its forms. In this quiet, time feels expansive, fluid. Simple and clean.

I know this is not what you usually come here to read. Thank you for humouring me. I hope I don't disappoint.

*The Dixie Chicks, who say so much, so much better than me.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

August NaBloPoMo: The trek begins

Welcome! Please visit the updated version of this post at http://missnightmutters.com/2012/08/august-nablopomo-the-trek-begins.html

Ok, so... I signed up for Blogher's August NaBloPoMo. (To save you some googlage: NaBloPoMo is short for NAtional BLOg POsting MOnth. You're welcome.) Basically, the deal is that you commit to blogging every day for an entire month, and you put the pretty badge (over there to your left) up so everyone knows you are doing it and can support you. The theme of the suggested prompts for August is "Sweet" but you don't have to use the prompts if you don't want to. Can you tell I'm sort of trying to convince you all to do this with me? Because I am. I like to write. I want to write more. I want to write better. The way to write better is to write more. SOOOOO, here I am.

The timing of this whole thing is interesting, because I also just started a one-week (maybe more?) break from social media. I'm not sure if blogging counts as social media, but here is my rationale: blogging is something I do FOR ME. It is, by definition, about what is going on inside of my head and my heart. And, while other social media (most notably Facebook and Twitter) are FOR ME to some extent, they also provide a steady stream of the contents of other people's heads and hearts, and conversations about those contents, and lately I have felt like those conversations are emptying me out instead of filling me up. Ugh, I feel like this sounds so self-absorbed and selfish. IT SHOULD BE ABOUT ME! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU! STOP MAKING ME HAVE CONVERSATIONS! YOU'RE SUCKING ME DRY! Seriously. Why do you people like me?

Let's try again:  There is a little over 2 weeks left before I will start gearing up for next school year. To start a year well, I need to be full-up: on energy, on sleep, on focus, on patience, on good humour, on perspective. Right now, for reasons both clear and unclear, I am not full up on those. I know myself, and I know that to fill up, I need quiet. Not just actual quiet as in "absence of noise," (although that is a part of it, and in addition to my social media fast, I am trying to reduce the actual noise level in my world. (In brief: I'm not playing  music or podcasts or TV just for background noise. If those things are on, I'm going to actually LISTEN to them.)) but also as in having a quieter mind (less multi-tasking, more reflection, more focus on the moment), and a quieter body (more exercise, done with more intention. More healthy food. More time outside.). I need to hang out face to face with people who fill me up. I need to sit on the deck with my coffee and look at my "garden" and hear no voice but my own.

If you know me, you know I LOVE me some social media. The power of it, to both strengthen existing relationships in spite of time and distance, and to create new relationships, leaves me weak with gratitude on a regular basis. But when you're in conversation ALL. THE. TIME. it's easy to lose the sound of your own voice singing solo. I love dialogue, but for this introvert, my internal monologue is the compass that guides me. I'm glad to know you all are out there, reading my monologues. I welcome your comments. I hope you understand.

Love and lots of it;
Miss Night

P.S. The official NaBloPoMo prompt for today is: "Name something sweet you ate today." For breakfast, I had peanut butter and raspberry jam on a whole-wheat English muffin. It was sweet, and delicious. I ate it while sitting on my deck with my coffee, looking at my garden. Things are off to a good start.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

With angels as visitors dropping by...

Welcome! Please visit the updated version of this post at http://missnightmutters.com/2012/07/with-angels-as-visitors-dropping-by.html

#Kinderblog2012 Summer Blogging Challenge, Question Numero Deux:

Tell us about one (or two, or a few) of the classrooms you have had over the years. Not the kids, the ROOMS. What have you  loved? What have you hated? How did you FEEL in the space? What did you DO with the space that, looking back, seems ridiculous? Or brilliant? We all spend so much time in our classrooms, we really do develop a relationship with the physical space. Tell us about that (those) relationship(s).

I know, I'm a little behind on this. What can I say - it's summer and it's hard to keep up with RUNNING the challenge AND participating in the challenge AND holding down the lounge chair on my patio with an iced coffee in my hand. Hopefully my story here is worth the wait.

When I finished grad school, my first teaching job was at a teeny weeny private school (known here as That School, not to be confused with This School, where I currently work), in a little town just south of The City. The town was small (24,000 people), the school was small (180 kids, in grades K-12), and the classes were small (maximum 12 kids per class, often fewer). The assignment was to teach a grade one/two split class, and while I know there is all kinds of debate on the merits and pitfalls of split classes, I will just say this: when you only have 10 kids in your class, you can manage damn near anything.

It was the first time that I set up MY OWN classroom - previously, "my" rooms had been already set up, by the program or facility where I was working. They were lovely, friendly, well-equipped and welcoming rooms, but I never felt ownership. About a week before school started, I arrived to check out my space, not even really sure what was involved in "setting up a classroom."

It. Was. Little. LORD, was that classroom little. I am very bad at square footage, but: I currently live in a  700 square foot condo, with a big kitchen and one generously sized bedroom; that classroom was about the size of my current living room. Imagine the smallest space necessary to accommodate 12 children and one teacher. Now cut off about 10 square feet. It was THAT little. It was in a funny place: right at the top of a stairway, with the door in a weird little nook that housed the doorway to the staff bathroom as well as the (only available) storage for my teaching materials. It was a funny shape: sort of a rectangle, with a bite out of it where the door was. There were 4 low, rectangle tables, and a teacher desk and chair.   There were no hooks for the children's coats and bags, only a handmade bank of 12x12 cubbies (1 per child), where they had to store backpacks, lunches, gym shoes, and outdoor clothing. There was no counter, no sink, no cabinets or cupboards or even shelving. I later wrangled 2 more trapezoid tables out of other classrooms, and dug 2 small bookcases out of my personal storage container (which was, conveniently enough, right next door to school). But adding more furniture meant subtracting square footage, and, well.... even 6 year-olds need room to WALK between the tables.

Congratulations, you have now seen THE ENTIRE classroom.*

Setting up the room was like a a 3-D jigsaw puzzle. How to make enough room for me, the kids, their belongings, their learning?  Everything had to be placed with exactly enough space to function, and not an inch more. I figured out precisely how much clearance I needed to be able to sit in my desk chair, and set my desk EXACTLY that far from the wall. The cubbies started EXACTLY where the edge of the door ended. The children HAD to sit or stand with their chairs pushed in because otherwise there was nowhere to walk. The calendar corner was the story corner was the play area was the group work area. We finished all of our art projects on the same day we started because there was NOWHERE TO PUT THEM other than on the wall. Everything we did had to be cleaned up completely before starting the next thing. I was offered a desktop computer for the room, and I declined - space was more precious than technology.

The space affected my pedagogy, to an extent I only realize in retrospect. I couldn't greet the children at the classroom door in the morning because THERE WAS NO ROOM AT THE DOOR IN THE MORNING. I greeted them each, by name, from my desk. The children HAD to do most of their work at their tables, because there just wasn't room anywhere else for them to go. I taught from my desk -- instead of walking around -- a lot, because (say it with me, now) there wasn't really room to walk around. 

And yet... I loved that little room. The only window faced straight east, across rolling green foothills, and I watched the sunrise nearly every day -- on my own in the fall and spring, and with the children in the dark days of winter. We called the table in front of that window "The Imagination Station," and the kids could sit there to draw or read or write or dream when they were done their work. I hung ribbons around the window, and clothes-pinned their artwork to the ribbon. Our story rug was actually an lap-blanket that my grandma had crocheted, just big enough for 10 little bottoms. I kept an electric kettle on my desk, and as the kids wrote in their journals first thing every day, the kettle would whistle softly, while my iPod played Beethoven and the sun rose outside. It sounds idyllic. It was.

The next year, I moved to a (relatively) bigger classroom at That School, and after that, to an (objectively) big room at This School. My room now has a wall of windows, miles of counter space, acres of cabinets, a separate coatroom, a sink and fridge and microwave, room for kids to move and play and have 25 projects on the go at once.  Make no mistake: I do love it, and I appreciate every last square inch of it.

But there was something about that little room (which I later learned was originally intended to be a large office for the Head of School) that keeps hold of my heart. We were cozy in there. We were together. We were safe. We were learning and laughing and holding hands. We were (perhaps more than in any other classroom I have had) a "WE."

*Oh, and the slates? Dollar store treasures! It was a tradition at that school to give the kids a small first-day-of-school gift from their teacher. I used the slates to identify their spots, and the kids took them home at the end of the first week -- because, of course, there was really no place to store them.